


Rekindle

by fikidurin



Series: 12 Days of Christmas 2020 [3]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, M/M, Relationship Problems, Same-Sex Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:15:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28116783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fikidurin/pseuds/fikidurin
Summary: Kili can't remember the last time he and Fili had a conversation that didn't end in a fight.
Relationships: Fíli/Kíli (Tolkien)
Series: 12 Days of Christmas 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2056737
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20
Collections: GatheringFiKi - 12 Days Of Christmas 2020





	Rekindle

The snow globe teeters precariously, and then falls to the floor, shattering on impact. Glitter and fluid seeps everywhere, spreading across the vinyl.

A small yapping causes Kili to tear his eyes away from the broken ornament, and the scratching of claws is enough for Fili to react.

“Ori!” he barks, dropping to his knees and snatching up Oreo, their little dachshund, before he can reach the mess. “No. Kili, take him while I—”

Kili doesn’t wait for him to finish. He plucks Oreo out of his husband’s arms and wheels around, stomping out of the room. He lingers in the house long enough to pull on a jacket and clip on Oreo’s lead.

The front door slams closed behind him, displaying his anger, but Kili isn’t sure who he’s even angry at anymore.

Breaking the snow globe had been an accident. Just wild gesticulating while they’d been arguing, and hell, it must have been a cheap knockoff if it broke so easily…

Things can’t go on like this. Something needs to give.

Oreo whines, and Kili’s expression softens. “I know, you’re a good boy, Ori. It’s me that’s in the doghouse,” he sighs, pausing at the end of the street to look up at the sky as the heavens open and the rain begins to fall.

Fantastic.

* * *

It’s dark when he makes it home.

The mess is all cleaned up, aside from some stray particles of glitter that will probably stay there forever. 

Oreo is all tuckered out, and collapses into his bed as soon as Kili unclips the lead.

Kili covers him with the blanket, wrapping him up snugly so only his nose peeks through. Their apartment can get cold, particularly during the winter, and Oreo isn’t exactly the fluffiest of dogs. When he’s sure Oreo is all tucked in, Kili straightens, steeling himself and searching the apartment for his husband.

Fili is in the bedroom, sitting near the windowsill, looking through the rain-streaked glass. An open book and mug of something that smells spiked sits in front of him, abandoned. The only light in the room is the dim orange lamp that sits on the windowsill, illuminating some fake flowers that Fili put there when they moved in together.

Kili doesn’t actually know what the point of fake flowers are, but he doesn’t see the harm in it.

Fili doesn’t look up when Kili enters the room, maintaining his thousand yard gaze.

“You’re back.”

“Just took Oreo for a walk,” Kili replies awkwardly, unnecessarily. When did they forget how to talk to each other? He busies himself changing out of his wet clothes and doesn't speak again until he's done.

“Thanks for cleaning the mess up.”

“Yeah,” Fili murmurs distantly. “I wasn’t sure if you were coming back at all tonight.”

Kili licks his lips, and settles down on their bed. That comment is refreshingly blunt and honest. Something their relationship has been lacking for some time now.

“I wasn’t sure if there’d be you or divorce papers waiting for me if I did,” he says.

Fili finally looks away from the window, and there’s something in his gaze that Kili can’t read. And  _ god, _ how has his husband become a stranger to him? He used to know everything Fili was thinking. When did that change?

“Is that something you want?”

And it’s not fair, because that puts everything on Kili. This answer, this breaking point, it should be a decision made together. It shouldn’t be on Kili to shoulder the responsibility of saving or ending their marriage.

“No,” Kili replies honestly, and he feels a little part of him break at the knowledge. His breath catches in his throat, and he feels the sting of tears. “No, I don’t want that.”

Fili moves from the window sill, joining Kili on the bed. A warm hand covers Kili’s freezing ones, because it’s December and he was stupid enough to brave the streets of London in the rain and without gloves on, but that’s not important because Fili is touching him and it has been _so_ _long_ since they casually touched each other like this.

Kili grasps his hand like it’s a lifeline, and realises that Fili is crying too.

“I’m glad that’s something we both agree on,” Fili says thickly. “I’m not ready to give up on us, Kee. But something does have to change. We can’t go on like this.”

Kili nods. He feels it too, that the breaking point is closer than it ever should have been. Something has to change. Recently, all they ever seem to do is bicker and fight. They need to find common ground again.

He loves Fili with his whole heart. He knows he does. Just sometimes… he can’t remember why. Sometimes, being in love with him just isn’t enough.

Their foreheads press together, and they stay like that for a while, hands clasped and eyes closed. Just breathing in the closeness of the most intimate they’ve been in months.

They’ll find the answers tomorrow. For now, this will get them through the night.

* * *

The pamphlet, when he sees it, is a godsend.

It feels like a sign, and while Kili isn't particularly spiritual, he can't ignore what's been thrust in front of his face.

He takes the pamphlet and presents it to Fili as soon as he gets home.

"A cabin?"

"Not exactly. More like a lodge, up in the Welsh mountains."

Fili doesn't look convinced. "And you want to go—"

"For Christmas. We can drop Ori off with Bilbo, and we've been saying we should get away somewhere for years. Why not now?"

It feels like a win that Fili doesn't immediately refuse.

But what feels more like a win is that he knows the reluctance isn't a slight, and just borne out of the need to think things through. Kili is cavalier; Fili is careful. They balance each other out. They just need to find that balance again.

"It looks nice," Fili chooses his words carefully. "I like our traditions. Do you think it would still be possible to have the full Christmas experience there?"

Kili glanced down at the pamphlet. "I don't know," he admits. "I don't see why not but I don't want to promise. And… honestly, I think we could stand to have some new traditions."

It’s the only faith he has right now. Away from their friends and family, with no outside interference, they can do this. One Christmas, together, alone in a cabin. It can be perfect, and it can be the start they need to save their marriage. Kili doesn’t doubt it for a second.

Fili’s expression clears and he nods, suddenly understanding.

“Book it,” he says.

Kili smiles. It will be perfect.

* * *

It’s not perfect. Far from it.

Their car radio goes on the fritz, so they’re stuck in an irritated silence for most of the way from London to the Welsh border, punctuated only with navigational directions from Kili’s phone.

The three hundred meters or so between where they parked the car and the ski-lift up the mountain hadn’t seemed like so much when they booked it, but now they’re here and have to wade through a foot of snow carrying all of their bags, it’s almost more than Kili can bear.

The button for the ski-lift takes forever to respond, and Kili is about to lose it because there’s  _ no fucking way  _ he’s trodding up that entire mountain with a suitcase that looks like it’s one hard knock away from bursting open.

He takes a deep and steadying breath, but can’t quite push away his anger. Thankfully, they make it to the top of the mountain and have no problems checking into the lodge. They’re drenched to their knees, their boots doing nothing to combat the chill of snow.

Kili’s nose is so cold he’s not sure how it hasn’t walked off his face and declared itself a region of Alaska.

He shoves his suitcase viciously into the middle of their room as Fili closes the door behind them.

And then wheels around as Fili begins to laugh.

He stares, confused and angry, and not understanding at all how Fili can find humour in the situation. Can look back on the last six horrendous hours and find any source of amusement.

He kind of wants to punch him a little bit.

But that’s counterintuitive to the reason they’re here, and so he forces himself to take another deep breath and stretch an insincere smile across his face.

“Come on, Kee, you have to admit it’s a little bit funny. I mean, the universe couldn’t be giving us any more of a sign. Everything so far has been a disaster. But if we have fun here, it’ll all be worth it.”

Kili hears the metaphor, and finds that the point is a good one. And Fili is right, it is kind of funny. A little bit. If he squints. His smile softens, becomes more sincere, and he finally takes a look around the room.

It’s quite beautiful, the pictures haven’t done it justice at all. The wood burner fireplace has been lit in anticipation of their arrival, and it’s left the room quite cosy. Kili’s fingers are beginning to tingle as the heat returns to them.

The old-fashioned decor provides the comfort, but the structure of the lodge itself has been extremely modernised. The back wall is practically solid tinted glass, allowing for an unparalleled view. The bed is large and firm and the blankets thick and soft. There’s a fresh scent of snow and pine and all things wonderful and Christmassy.

But his favourite thing, the most unexpected thing is the piano. As he strips off his boots and changes into clean pants and thick woollen socks, he can see that Fili has already been drawn to the walnut instrument.

His fingers dance across the keys as Kili tugs some of their spare bedding and pillows in front of the fireplace and props his feet up in front of the heat source. His toes curl in satisfaction as Fili’s fingers play out a brief melody.

“Is it tuned?” he asks, lazily.

“Uh-huh,” Fili replies, and the melody ends abruptly, leaving an awkward silence in its wake. “God, I’m freezing. Make some room for me? I’ll be right back.”

He leaves, and Kili loses himself to the memories of when they first met, and Fili would play piano for him for hours and hours without ever growing bored.

* * *

It works, to an extent.

They rediscover how to be in each other’s company without sniping. They ski together, and laugh together when one of them falls. They spend the morning drying out oranges and making garlands to decorate their room.

The entire lodge smells of citrus and cinnamon and cloves, but nobody seems to mind. The scent puts Kili in a good mood, reminding him of happy times, good Christmas memories.

He and Fili read in front of the large open windows, just admiring the views and relishing in their being together.

Every night, they crawl into bed, and curl around each other in thick woollen pyjamas and sleep.

It’s enough, but it’s also not.

They’ve been married for a few years. It’s not exactly weird that they’re not still tearing each other’s clothes off at every given opportunity.

He knows there’s still attraction between them. It’s just that it hasn’t been a priority for a long time.

If Kili is honest, he doesn’t know how to make it a priority. Until he stumbles across a book of sheet music hidden in a stack of magazines.

“Fee.” He holds up the book hopefully. “Play for me?”

Fili does so, settling himself at the piano and flicking through the book. He seems to find something acceptable, because his fingers lightly dance across the keys.

The melody tinkles and crashes across Kili in waves of nostalgia. He doesn’t remember walking across the room, but he’s suddenly kneeling beside Fili, hand draped across his thigh as he listens.

He’s always loved Fili’s hands. Strong, with long, elegant fingers. Perfect for bending instruments to his will, particularly the piano.

Kili closes his eyes, fingers tapping along with the music as he revels in just how talented his husband is.

The music comes to a halt, the last note fading out. Kili’s heart feels full, and his eyes flutter open to see Fili looking down at him softly.

“I want…” Kili begins, and then swallows.

Fili reaches out and sweeps his thumb gently along Kili’s lower lip. “You want?” he repeats softly. “Tell me.”

“You,” Kili says thickly, and he refuses to be embarrassed by wanting to make love to the man he married. “I want you.”

Thankfully, Fili doesn’t pretend to misunderstand, just pushes the bench away and lowers himself to his knees next to Kili. “We never talked about —I never dreamed you would also want —”

“I want,” Kili says firmly. “There’s lube in my bag in the bedroom.”

Fili smiles, wide and brilliant, and rises, leading Kili towards the bedroom. “Well, someone had hidden motives about this trip,” he teases.

“No motives.” Kili kisses his husband gently, and savours the familiar shape of his mouth. It feels like coming home. “Just faith.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any thoughts, I'd love to hear them! Leave a comment below, or even a kudos.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @ [fikidurin](https://fikidurin.tumblr.com)


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